in honor of the fact that we're off to an american apparel open call today (offense is not cheap!), we've decided to compile a little how-to guide, covering the basics of offensive dressing.

1. plaid shirt. plaid isn't only for lumberjacks anymore. probably the most practical piece of clothing an offensive dresser can own, this shirt will keep you warm and disgustingly trendy at the same time. bonus points if you borrow it from your boyfriend's/dad's/brother's closet.

2. american apparel pocket skirt. oh, the iconic pocket skirt. hailing from downtown l.a. (m's hometown haaaay) you can now be offensive and socially conscious at the same time-- american apparel only practices fair labor. wear it high waisted for extra offense. 

3. black leggings. we could go on and on about how investing in basics is essential to any successful wardrobe, but who are we kidding. these shiny, totally impractical almost pants will add that extra level of "what was she thinking" to any outfit. sure, you may feel like richard simmons at first, but we know you'll get over that quickly.

4. leopard print flats. there is something that we see a lot of in new york during the winter, and that is women wearing so much fur that they look like roadkill (incidentally, we haven't seen much roadkill on the streets of Manhattan, so perhaps these women are over-compensating...)  leopard print flats are an offensive alternative to fur. though they won't keep you warm, they will keep you offensive. 

5. ray ban wayfarers. okay, so offense is not necessarily about brand names. any pair of slightly oversized sunglasses will do, but these iconic pair (or any decent chinatown knockoff) project that "i don't care attitude" towards the rest of the world.